On the other Side



Sometimes, when you are waiting the arrival of a special period of the year, at first you can't wait the time to pass quickly to let you there, where you wish to be.

As the days and the months go by, it happens that I'm starting to feeling strange.
I realized that I actually don't want the time to pass so fast and let me there, with almost all the people important in my life.
Because when finally that time comes, I won't live it truthfully. It will slips from my fingers, like sand.
I wish to hold it as nothing else, but eventually I will lose it all.
I don't know exactly why I feel this way now.
It's the first time that I'm actually scared to go home.
It's where this moment will lead.
And that's what makes it so amazing.

I used to be so happy, every year, when I walk through the aircraft doors and see the airport and the sea in front of it.
So near. So real.
The wind on my face... even the air smells different and I breath it in so easily.
But I always know that the trip isn't over yet.
My loved ones aren't there to wait for me at the airport, I have to wait two more hours to hug them and try so hard not to cry.
I'm the strong one.
I must be because I'm "the kid" even though I'm 24 now.
I had to be strong and I wish to keep it always this way, but sometimes it's so hard....

Since the first day I already feel like I never left. 
Home. 
Everything is where I remember it was.
The summer is there ready for me. Usually I am ready too.

I lived awesome summers during all my life. Even when I gave up an amazing opportunity to be in London for 2 weeks, the thing that I regret the most in my life as regard lost opportunities.
Even that depressed summer, I did so many things; crazy things that scared me too.

I did them.
I helped somebody else to keep going, to have hope. To have fun. To belive in people.
That summer I lose friends because I did brave things that they didn't approve.
But still, I had un adventurous summer, and again it was an awesome one.

The one after that was a sad one because I lose forever that same person that I helped the summer before.
He wasn't brave enough...to keep going.

That was an horrible thing for me, but even back then, I had a beautiful time during the summer, in 2010, because those friends that I thought to have lost, revealed themselves as the most loving ones.
I have to confess that sometimes I still feel that I love them more than how much they care about me; but I realized that I can't evaluate this, is not of my knowledge and doesn't matter.

From that summer on, each of them was always better than the one before.

But this year something feels off.
And I'm scared to go back to the loved ones.
I'm scared to have fun with them.
I'm not even sure that this feeling is scare.
I don't know.

Before leaving home,  every last day of summer vacations, I think that I may not see them again and this always gives me that bit of courage to say those cheesy things, that are obvious, but still, if unsaid you know you may regret it one day.

I'm sure only of one thing: it won't last long this summer.
I already feel like it will be over soon.
I just don't want to be there already.
Home.



Thanks so much if you read this tiny part of me. I wrote it from the bottom of my heart. I hope you like it. Let me know with a comment.



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inda.double@gmail.com

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